


i'll meet you there tomorrow (if i can have you to myself)

by jamestkirk (orphan_account)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 00:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18927469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/jamestkirk
Summary: In the year they’d been traveling, there had been moments. Times their hands would brush together, times they’d lay curled together with the excuse that there wasn’t enough space, and one memorable time they’d both managed to get drunk thanks to Asgardian alcohol and ended up in bed together. They hadn’t talked about it in the morning, brushing it off with awkward laughter and the fact that neither of them had been able to get drunk in years. But somehow, Bucky had just expected that one day they’d figure it out. That either he’d work up the courage to tell Steve exactly how he felt, or Steve would get impatient as he always does and be the one to tip the scales.Bucky goes with Steve to return the Infinity Stones and things turn out much differently.





	i'll meet you there tomorrow (if i can have you to myself)

**Author's Note:**

> Endgame spoilers ahead!
> 
> Title credit goes to Coyote Song by Bright Eyes. Please listen to it it's so good & melancholy.
> 
> There's mentions of Steve/Peggy but I didn't want to tag it because I don't want it in that tag clogging up their content <3
> 
> Rating is for some cussing and a mention of sex.

They’ve been traveling for nearly a year now. The trip was only supposed to take a few weeks at most but when you’re dealing with a multiverse, aliens, demigods, and possibly magic; things aren’t so simple. They’ve been to new worlds, which Bucky doesn’t think he’ll ever get over. He’s seen plenty of things in his long life, including a goddamn talking raccoon, but nothing can compare to seeing new stars in a different sky. But this is their last stop: returning the Tesseract back to 1970. Everything has a vague sense of familiarity for Bucky. He’d been unfrozen here for a few months. Not _here_ here, but he’d thought the decade was pretty decent. He’s not a fan of the pants, though. Or the shoes. Not that it matters. They’ll be leaving soon enough anyway. 

The hotel room is hideous. Pea green walls with orange shag carpet and the smell of old wood, all lit by dim lamps. The whole thing makes his skin crawl, but he’s stayed in worse. At the moment, he’s sat down on the shitty motel bed, an ugly brown and orange striped thing that itches like hell, sifting through his belongings to make sure he’s got everything packed away in his duffle bag for when they take off in the morning. It’s a familiar scene, one that brings half hazy memories of musty tents and a hard ground, back when things were a hell of a lot simpler. He can remember most of it now and he definitely never thought he’d reminisce on war as _simple_. It says something about his life, but he’s well adjusted enough to leave it alone. 

Steve’s out getting ice. At least that’s what he said, but Bucky’s been looking at that puppy dog, handsome face for most of his life and he knows when he’s making excuses. If he had to throw out a guess, he’d say Steve is taking a walk around. They’re nestled a few miles away from the base they’re returning the Power Stone to in the morning and there’s plenty of open space for Steve to go brood in. Bucky’s not stupid. He knows Peggy’s working at the base. He’s heard all about how Steve saw his photo on her desk, caught a glimpse of her. And he gets it. He hasn’t asked about it, giving Steve all the space he needs in the next few days. He knows loss better than most people and if Steve needs to brood, well, he’s not going to stop him. 

Bucky finishes unlacing his boots, getting up to turn on the TV. It’s a weird place to be, he realizes as he turns the knob until he finds a late night rerun of Bonanza. Missing having a remote for a piece of technology that hadn’t even existed when he grew up. It should amaze him, watching the flickering color on the screen, but instead he just finds himself with a longing for Netflix. He shakes his head, getting settled in bed and settling in to most definitely _not_ wait for Steve to get back. 

As one episode ends and another begins, Bucky feels his skin start to itch with every _tick, tick, tick_ of the clock and the muffled sounds around him. A couple arguing a few rooms over, someone snoring above him, some awkwardly enthusiastic sex next door. 

The TV shuts off at midnight, the only remaining picture some faded and staticky image saying goodnight to the viewers. Bucky sighs, lips thinning as his eyes flit over to the door. Still no sign of Steve. Something’s off. 

For the next few minutes, Bucky stays in bed, arguing with himself. He should leave Steve alone. Let him work through whatever it is he’s working through. On the other hand, they’ve got a mission in the morning that the fate of this universe rests on. Apparently if they don’t, it’ll create splinter universes that Banner definitely promised someone wouldn’t be created. With a frown, Bucky makes up his mind and swings himself off the bed. As he walks outside, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, going still to listen for Steve’s familiar breathing. 

Following the sound, Bucky sees a slumped figure by the empty motel pool. Steve’s feet are dangling in the water, his pants pushed to his calves as he swings his foot against the side of the pool. He jolts when Bucky scuffs his boot against the concrete, a sure sign that he’s caught up in that big head of his. His chest pangs, the sight a mirror to one from years ago. 

\-- 

_“Steve?” Bucky called into the empty apartment, setting down his bag from the gym as he wipes a drop of sweat from his eyes. There’s no answer and Bucky’s worry spikes. If Steve had an asthma attack while he was away-_

_He rounded the corner, looking out the window to find Steve on their fire escape with his legs hanging over the edge, a piece of wrinkled paper clutched in his hands and the familiar set of his jaw that told Bucky he was in for a fight. His stomach dropped out as he glanced down at the paper, the familiar card with messy scrawl that he’d hidden away in his dresser with the hope that Steve wouldn’t find it._

_“Were you going to tell me?” Steve didn’t sound angry. Voice measured and low. Bucky wished he were yelling instead of this white-knuckled calm._

_Bucky leaned heavily against the window, breath caught somewhere in his throat. “Steve, I- I was gonna-”_

_“Is this why you broke things off, Buck?”_

_The words sent a shooting pain right to his heart, guilt weighing heavy as a stone in his gut. He didn’t answer, looking down at his shoes as he struggled to find the words, throat feeling thick and sharp._

_The truth was, Bucky’d taken one look at that card and after he’d gotten past the initial reaction to tear it to pieces and never look at it again, he’d realized he probably wasn’t going to come back once he left. And maybe- maybe Bucky could be selfish sometimes, God knew he was with Steve, but he couldn’t do that to him. At least let him move on with some nice dame before he had to hear the news from Rebecca. So he’d put a stop to… whatever it was him and Steve had. They’d never given it a name, too fragile and terrifying to even attempt to. But it had still hurt. Felt like losing a damn limb and if Steve’s face had been anything to go by, it’d hurt just as much for him._

_How could he tell Steve any of that, though? That just the sight of him was enough to send Bucky’s pulse skyrocketing and maybe, maybe this wasn’t about the war at all. Or maybe it was. Hell, even Bucky had no idea and if he didn’t understand, there wasn’t any hope Steve could. So he stayed silent, hand tight on the pane of the window and nails digging into the wood and leaving marks._

_But his non-answer was answer enough, Steve drawing in a sharp breath as his grip tightens on the draft card, crumpling up further in his hand. He nodded, lips thinned and brows downturned. “Right. Cause you always know what’s best for me, right, Buck?”_

_And Bucky wanted to tell him that he didn’t want him heartbroken. That it was easier this way. But he just made a quiet noise, mouth opening and shutting again as he lost his words once more._

_Steve shook his head before dragging himself up. Pushing passed Bucky, he sat the paper down on the kitchen table. “I’m taking a walk.”_

_Instead of reaching out, Bucky had stood there in shame and guilt._ It’s for the best _, he told himself. So why did it feel like he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life?_

\-- 

In the present, Steve relaxes once he realizes it’s just Bucky. Shoulders slumping as he turns back to his reflection in the pool. Bucky sits down a few feet away from him, legs folded underneath himself. He stays silent, waiting for Steve to open up. Between the two of them, Bucky’s always been the more patient one. 

“...I’m thinking about staying.” 

Bucky feels his heart stutter and stop. That stone returning to his stomach, thoughts fading to a white noise. The water shimmers under the moon, Steve looking up at him when he hasn’t answered. He just stares at him. “What?” 

Steve winces. “Not- not _here_. I mean- we have enough particles. I could go back. Right after I went in the ice. I could make things right. Me and Peggy- hell, Buck, I could get you out before they-” he sucks in a breath, not finishing that thought, still clearly a sore spot. 

Bucky hears his blood rushing in his ears. The same way it had when he’d opened up that damned letter years before. _This isn’t about me_. His metal hand clenches into a fist, forcing the roar down as he looks up at the night sky. Instead of yelling, demanding to know what the hell Steve is thinking, he just tilts his head with slightly squinted eyes. “Is that- I mean, would that work? Wouldn’t that mess up the future or something?” 

Steve shakes his head. “No. I don’t think so. The way I understand it, I’d just create another timeline. The right one.” 

The words sting and Steve has no idea, so caught up in this idea of fixing the past that he’s forgetting the present. Future. Whatever. But for Steve, it’s been five years. Bucky can’t blame him. Or maybe he can. Maybe he will, once the shock wears off. He should’ve seen it coming. If he’d taken his head out of his ass, he might’ve. But things were going good. The year they’ve been on their little interdimensional road trip, they’ve gotten closer. Nowhere near as close as they were back in the day, but enough that Bucky had thought there might be some hope of fixing _them_ someday soon. But he was being an idiot, not seeing past his own damn nose. Of course Steve didn’t see it that way. He’d always been the man out of time. 

“The right one,” he echoes, a hint of sarcasm leaking into his tone as he frowns. But his expression shutters after a moment, looking back to Steve with his big, sad eyes. “Look, I’m not gonna stop you. You do what you need to, Steve.” He gives him a smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “Just promise me something.” 

“Of course,” Steve hurries to say, clearly having been expecting Bucky to be upset. 

_Promise you won’t forget. Promise you’ll be gentle with him._ “Don’t name a kid after Sam,” he says instead with a twist of his lips. 

Steve lets out a startled huff of a laugh, tension bleeding from his shoulders as he smiles. “Oh, I’m gonna name each one after him. Sam, Thomas, Wilson-” Bucky shoves at him, his stomach twisted up in knots as he forces out a laugh. 

“Shut the hell up, Rogers.” 

“Never, Buck.” And Steve is grinning at him, Bucky’s hand rested on his shoulder. Their eyes catch and the laughter fades. For a moment, they just look at each other, the weight of everything unsaid passing between them. 

Bucky’s the first to pull away, dropping his hand as he pulls himself to stand. “I’m gonna take a walk, pal. Go get some sleep, alright? We’ve got a big day ahead of us.” 

As he walks away, he can feel Steve’s gaze on him. 

\-- 

Bucky’s already gone back to the future by the time Steve gets a moment by himself. He’s missed the mark and he’s sure Bucky’s already told them why. He tries to push down the wave of uneasiness that comes with that thought as he settles down in their hotel room. He’ll go back in the morning. He’ll find Peggy first. Explain everything and hope she’s willing to start something with him. They never got their chance the first time around and he thinks he’d like to take her dancing. 

As he starts stripping down for a shower, he dutifully ignores the empty feeling in his chest. This is what he wants. And it’s not like the future won’t be fine without him. He’s leaving it in capable hands and he’s already made up his mind about what he’s going to do with the shield once he’s lived his life out. And Bucky… Steve feels an ache at the thought of leaving him after thinking he’d been dead for five years. But Bucky seems to be doing fine, ever since Wakanda. It’d be selfish of Steve to keep on chasing after him when he’s moved on. Steve should too. 

A paper falls out of the pocket of his pants when he takes them off. He frowns, bending down to pick it up as he sets himself on the edge of the toilet. He turns it over in his hands, carefully unfolding it to find a familiar, looping script he’s seen scribbled on homework, notes, and letters from the front. His frown deepens. Why had Bucky written him a letter? He’d just seen him. They’d said their goodbyes. A sick feeling settles in Steve’s stomach. 

_Steve,_

_I’ve never been good with words. I know, I know. I could charm the pants off anyone back in the day. But they weren’t you. Funny how that shit works, isn’t it? You’ve always been real hard to talk to, Steve. Not your fault. It’s just that every time I try, it gets muddled up and mixed around and I put my foot in my mouth or don’t say anything at all. Even now I’m talking up too late. But not for him._

_That’s what this is about. You’ve made up your mind. I should’ve seen that one coming, but you always manage to surprise me even though I could probably pick you out of a crowd just on your left eyebrow or some shit. The thing is, I kept thinking we’d have a someday. It was my way of justifying being a damn coward. And I was wrong. On some level, I’ve always known that. But he doesn’t yet. The me you’re going to save. So, I know you’ve made up your mind, but be careful, alright? I’m never gonna see you again, so my pride can’t get in the way of me telling you that I was fucked up way before HYDRA ever got a hold of me. I stuck around for you, to keep you from getting yourself into trouble. And I don’t regret that. Never will. You needed me. But you’ve got to let him go. The bastard’s still mooning over you and seeing you with her’s gonna kill him. Sure, he’ll be your best man. He’ll come over for Sunday dinners and bring the kids presents, but trust me on this one._

_I guess I’m just asking you to go easy on him. God knows I still haven’t gotten it through my head that we lost that “someday”, but at least one of me should get that chance. I love you, Steve. That’s never going to change. Remember that._

_I’ll be waiting here when you’re an old, wrinkly shit to give you a hard time about all of this, so you better be ready for that._

_Bucky_

\-- 

The platform is powering down. Bruce and Sam had taken one look at him and started yelling, frantic and worried for Steve. But once he’d told him where he’d gone, they’d gone slightly slack-jawed. Sam had blinked, shaking his head with a, “Damn. Guess she really was something.” Bucky could see the slight hurt behind his eyes and knows Sam will miss Steve just as much as he will, but it’ll be easier to move on. If Steve’s true to his word, he’ll show up any minute with the shield and give Sam something to soothe over that wound. 

It doesn’t feel real. Is this how Steve felt every time he lost Bucky? Back when he got drafted, the train, choosing to stay in Wakanda, the Snap… Had it taken time for him to come to terms with it, to realize that he was going to have to face a future without his best friend and so much more? Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel good. 

He goes back to the guest house feeling like he’s walking through a fog. The space Steve occupied already feels like a black hole, his things still strewn in the room he’d been staying in. He’d left some of his shirts, a sketchbook, a dog-eared novel sitting on his bed. Bucky sits heavily, feeling weightless. 

In the year they’d been traveling, there had been moments. Times their hands would brush together, times they’d lay curled together with the excuse that there wasn’t enough space, and one memorable time they’d both managed to get drunk thanks to Asgardian alcohol and ended up in bed together. They hadn’t talked about it in the morning, brushing it off with awkward laughter and the fact that neither of them had been able to get drunk in years. But somehow, Bucky had just expected that one day they’d figure it out. That either he’d work up the courage to tell Steve exactly how he felt, or Steve would get impatient as he always does and be the one to tip the scales. 

But that didn’t happen. Bucky feels… incredibly stupid. He doesn’t know what he’d been thinking. He hadn’t been. He’s not going to wallow in self-pity. He knows it was his fault. He should’ve said something before it was too late, before Steve made up his mind. But he wasn’t going to ruin that for Steve. If he’d fought it, he’d be taking away the chance Steve finally got at happiness. Something he’d been getting in the way of for far too long. 

The door creaks open. Bucky doesn’t look over his shoulder. “Not right now, Sam. If it’s about Steve showing up, I know. I’ll talk to him later.” 

“Or now?” Bucky’s head snaps up, turning to face a distinctly _not old_ Steve standing in the doorway. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” His eyes are wide, his heart lodged somewhere in his throat. Steve looks exactly the same as he had when he left, no sign that he’d gone back at all. 

“Well, someone left me a letter and I realized that person was kind of an idiot,” Steve says, closing the door as he comes closer, movements almost hesitant. It’s been a long time since Bucky’s seen Steve hesitant about anything and his heart picks up, head light. “So I had to come back and tell them just how much of an idiot they are.” 

“Gee, thanks, pal. That’s real nice of you,” Bucky hears himself say, trying to get a hold of himself. But Steve is here. He’s not back in the 40s with the love of his life, having that last dance he’s always talked about regretting not getting. “Seriously, what are you doing here? Don’t tell me you came back ‘cause of that stupid letter. I told you I knew you made up your mind, you didn’t have to come back because-”  


“Bucky. Shut up.” Bucky shuts up, mouth shutting with a click of his teeth as he watches Steve with wide eyes. “When are you gonna realize that I can decide to take my own risks, huh?” Steve asks with a shake of his head, eyes soft and slightly hurt. Bucky is about to respond, tell him how he can’t let himself be that selfish, but Steve is moving forward to cup his face in his hands. “I love you too, dumbass,” he says softly before he leans in to kiss him. 

Bucky makes a quiet sound in the back of his throat as his hands clench and unclench before going limp, eyes shutting as he kisses back. One hand comes up to rest on Steve’s chest, fingers curling against the god awful material of the quantum suit. He pulls back just enough to bump their noses together, breathing softly against Steve’s lips. “Show me.” 

\-- 

Later, when Steve is curled against his side, arm heavy on his waist, Bucky knows it was worth waiting on someday. He smiles to himself, burrowing his face against Steve’s shoulder as he drifts to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Overall I really liked Endgame and I'm honestly not as angry at Steve's ending as a lot of people. Still, my own personal shipper heart wanted things to end differently and this is one take on how that could've happened.
> 
> This is my first time writing Stucky outside of rp so please let me know how I did. It's my first time writing fanfiction at all in like two years so I'm actually super nervous about this fic and how it turned out.
> 
> Some notes though:
> 
>   * Of the two interpretations from Markus & McFeely vs the Russos, I go with the Russos' explanation that Steve created an alternate timeline by going back in time instead of the idea that he just lived in the main timeline and ignored every atrocity going on. That interpretation doesn't sit well with me.
>   * I don't exactly know how the Pym Particle stuff works but it's handwaved here. Maybe they got more from the 70s, or someone was saying Thanos' army might've made more that they ended up getting? Anyway, they had enough for Steve to get back to the present after Bucky had already come back... 
>   * Sam still gets the shield! I love Cap!Sam. It just isn't mentioned here but Steve does still give up the shield.
> 



End file.
